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.a stolen story about suspicion, betrayal, desire, and redemption.
"there's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these.." - jason mraz |
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hear me out .
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Deszya, VIC, Melbourne
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"when i stand, i know i'll never be down again" - shiina ringo
I capture myself as a portrait of an extremely random person and i am proud of it. I had never been an easy person to hang out with, can be all over you one day but then hardly seem to know you exist..
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Date: Wednesday, 31 December 2008 || Time: 1:46 pm
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sometimes, i think that you don't even care about me.
you could totally ignore me and feel comfortable with it. it comes to the part when i suddenly back in the core, and thinking of her who had you before. were we as good, as we are? my heart is battling with my mind. did you love her the way you love me? is there a chance that there might be traces of her that you carry under the surface? say that you love me, say that it's true. i want to believe you. i am struggling to overcome the lasting repercussion, memories of your past with her that might be much better than with me. she used to be fun to be with, right? Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: || Time: 1:24 pm
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i want to understand. that everything happens for a reason. and really mean it. that's my only resolution for 2009 Amin. Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: Monday, 22 December 2008 || Time: 11:14 am
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yesterday i got lost inside my own feelings towards you, but today i discover that our castle stands upon pillars of sand. you can never blame the wave that sweep it away, because you are the one who create the wave itself. i never meant to push you up to your limits, i just want you to go dig inside yourself, and ask, how could you comfortably do it to me? over and over again. do you know that this time you almost break our promise? apologize will never be the last flight out, and it will not change how i perceive our issues. it's not that i don't want to forgive you. i don't want to forgive you because i know that you're just sorry because i caught your lies. how many times should i repeat these sentences to you? trust is more fragile than love. if you can't trust someone, how can you love them? grow up, Dear. if you could not value your beloved one's feelings, at the end, you'd be left all alone, lose your own silly game. "and don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not baby when i know you're only sorry you got caught" take a bow - rihanna Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: Wednesday, 17 December 2008 || Time: 10:27 pm
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 Far away This ship is taking me far away Far away from the memories Of the people who care if I live or die Starlight I will be chasing the starlight Until the end of my life I don't know if it's worth it anymore Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms My life You electrify my life Let's conspire to re-ignite All the souls that would die just to feel alive But I'll never let you go If you promised not to fade away Never fade away Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: || Time: 10:02 pm
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1. Do you have secrets?
that's the secret i'll never tell :) 2. Would you fall in love with a girl/ boy younger than you? NO WAY. i mean, not anymore ! 3. Do you enjoy going to college? it can be said that i have the time of my life in college 4. What would you do with a billion dollars? never to settle in one country !! 5. Will you fall in love with your best friend? no, please! 6. Which is more blessed, loving someone, or being loved by someone? both of them 7. List 5 recently watched movies 21, twilight.. FORGOT 8. If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do? ehmm... i used to be in this situation. however, i didn't know that the person was already attached 9. List 5 favourite TV shows. heroes, full-stop 10.you have any regrets? more than you know 11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time? a woman who tries to balance her family and her carrier 12. Who are the most important people to you? my mum, friends, and for now, him 13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is? calm, funny, and in love deeply with kyu kyu and kyu 14. Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor? .... 15.What is your favourite colour? brown red black 16. Would you give all in a relationship? being in a relationship should not make you blind 17. First five words that popped into your mind right now. more time spent with him 18. What are the top five places on your "to-go"list? none 19. Name three things you would like to do, but would not be able to? be a mind reader, be a vampire, able to control the Fifth elements 20. 7 people I have tagged are ibnu silai ose.. you! |
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Date: || Time: 7:54 pm
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okay. so farewell didn't have to be so dramatic. not for me, at least. i hoped there would be some magical moment happened in my last minutes being in Malaysia. yeah, cheesy, i know. and corny as well, but i couldn't help myself to stop thinking and hoping for it. so i didn't try to stop it. be it, whatever! and guessed what? i had an awful queue when checking in, which meant that i only had few times left to buy souvenirs and chocolates that my mum asked me to buy. later, they convinced me not to transfer all my liquid body shop cosmetics to my suit. "it's okay." oh no, it was not okay when seeing the guardian took them all. then i had to run back to the duty shop area, to buy those stuffs she threw away. damn it! covered with sweat all over my body, tortured by my new Zara shoes.. damn, it was a perfect last goodbye in Malaysia. i was mentally screwed, i guessed. hearing next plane home by daniel powter just made things worse, feelings like bursting into tears :( late in that day, i found out that ibnu has been waiting for me earlier, so that he could say goodbye. i felt so bad. i actually did not want to see anyone, because i knew i could not handle my tears anymore. hey, is there any easy way to say good bye? Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: Thursday, 11 December 2008 || Time: 10:54 pm
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what on my mind now is simple, actually. one word : farewell. to be honest, i don't have any massive emotion attack or a rush of sadness on my heart. i just feel... empty. and lost, a bit. lost on the track of time, actually. how could time fly so fast? felt like yesterday, i said goodbye to my high-school friends, caught a flight with two suitcase, and a-2-hours-flight ticket on my hand. two and a half year later, here i am. packing my suitcase once more, is sure with my next destination, but is not sure with my feelings. i should feel ecstatic, or maybe excited, but as a matter of fact, i can't feel anything. i promise myself that i won't let the time bail from me again. yet, it cheated me and i lost in another duration, wander around and perhaps get even lost. i don't really care, actually. but... i am scared. what's next? i want to know my next destination in life. i want to understand why i'm standing here and why i have to wait for something uncertain. it never ends. flame to dust / lovers to friends / why do all good things come to an end? Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: || Time: 10:01 pm
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I don't know what you're looking for you haven't found it baby, that's for sure You rip me up and spread me all around in the dust of the deed of time And this is not a case of lust, you see it's not a matter of you versus of me It's fine the way you want me on your own but in the end it's always me alone And I'm losing my favourite game you're losing your mind again I'm losing my baby losing my favourite game I only know what I've been working for another you so I could love you more I really thought that I could take you there but my experiment is not getting us anywhere I had a vision I could turn you right a stupid mission and a lethal fight I should have seen it when my hope was new my heart is black and my body is blue The cardigans - My Favorite Game so it has been said that i was wrong. it is now said that i am wrong. i am craving for the inconvenient truth, another bitter coffee to wake me up. surprise me, honey. i am your mess, for sure, and i could twist your life by casting my spell. i own the fifth elements, underneath the blue moon i whisper, tangle up your life in blue. me, in a form of non-sense, a myth. the daughter of the dark. i could rip you up, oh my dear vulnerable honey. i am no human, nor evil. you want to pray, oh you want it so bad, that i'll be burnt by the eternal flame. yet you never pray. i'm clouding your mind. you wished it was my spell whose clouding up your mind. but really, it just my natural aura that eats you up. i would lie down with the fire-element that kept me warm, so that i could see how you roar and screamed, wanted to believe that you were stronger, stronger that you thought. i heard your whisper last night before the dream stole realities from you. it was sad, but i loved it. " there is something i see in you, it might kill me..."" Labels: my own fairy tale |
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Date: Wednesday, 3 December 2008 || Time: 10:36 am
6 Comments:
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