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.a stolen story about suspicion, betrayal, desire, and redemption.
"there's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these.." - jason mraz |
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hear me out .
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Deszya, VIC, Melbourne
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"when i stand, i know i'll never be down again" - shiina ringo
I capture myself as a portrait of an extremely random person and i am proud of it. I had never been an easy person to hang out with, can be all over you one day but then hardly seem to know you exist..
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Date: Sunday, 27 July 2008 || Time: 1:47 pm
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yah, judulnya mirip sama lagunya Yellowcard. bukannya gitu! maaf2 aja ya, saya sih cuma cemas, karna penghuni rumah berkurang, otomatis listrik per orang pun jadi lebih mahal. ih, ga rela! saya sempet mikir mau cari rumah baru. or worse, pindah lagi ke monash condo karena ngga tahan sama sunyinya apartemen saya. saya juga sering parno ngga jelas, takut si tenant rumah kabur ninggalin saya sendirian di rumah ini, harus settle bill sendirian *apa sih*. saya ngga tau sih, kapan dia lulus, makanya saya suka parno sendiri kalau dia menghilang dari rumah. kayaknya, abis semester ini, kalau saya ngga jadi transfer ke Melbourne, mendingan saya cari rumah baru deh, daripada deg2an gak jelas kayak gini terus.hanya saja ini bukan sekedar judul, karna genap 2 hari saya tinggal sendirian di apartemen. 2 housemates saya menghilang. yang cewe sih sempat pulang kemarin pagi2 buta, tapi terus pergi lagi. anehnya, dari semenjak saya pulang ke malaysia, saya ngga pernah lihat pacar dia di rumah. apa mungkin udah lulus, ya? kenapa gitu, ngurusin amat? naksir ya sama pacarnya housemate? oh iya.. masalah transfer. saya sedikit ragu. bukannya gak mau, tapi takut urusan administrasi berkelit. ada deh, sesuatu yang ngga bisa saya share disini. tadi malem, untuk pertama kalinya, malam minggu sendirian. ditemani si pacar yang terpisah ribuan kilometer, via sms. dia bilang, semoga saya sabar dan ngga bosen pacaran sama handphone terus. bosen sih engga kok. kan terpisah begini juga demi masa depan. ahahha, lebay ah bahasanya. dia lagi nyusun laporan kuliah lapangan. saya disini bosan ngga jelas karena kuliah belum mulai sibuk. ini sama-sama tahun terakhir kita. harus berjuang nih! good luck ya, Pacar! mmmm... i feel like going home.. Labels: it happens everyday |
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Date: Saturday, 26 July 2008 || Time: 2:14 am
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have i told you that i love surprise more than anything?
i love to feel its sensation, how your heart beats faster as you try to guess or find a clue of what's going to happen. well.. i got this one on 23rd of July.  my friends, natalia and shinta were going out with me for a late lunch. plus, we planned to watch a movie right after that. natalia told me that she wanted to see cakes in Coffee Bean, so we went there and then she asked me which cake that i love most. i didn't feel curious at all, and i was busy texting si Pacar so i simply said 'tiramisu', without even really thought about it. after having korean food as our lunch, we went to eat yoghurt. natalia asked me to pay for them, so i managed to pay our yoghurt, still texting with si Pacar as well. imagine, i was so suprised when i came back to our table and saw a tiramisu with two candles on top of it. ANOTHER LATE-BIRTHDAY SURPRISE!! oh my God, i must be dreaming! this was too good to be true. i didn't expect another birthday surprise, especially after a month after my birthday passed.  me and my cute third birthday cake! i must thank natalia, tia, and shinta for this cute surprise. i was so suprised until my face turned totally red. first, my 24th june birthday surprise, then that sweet 2nd july surprise, and then this? oh my God, i can never say enough THANKYOU!! Labels: my own fairy tale |
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Date: Friday, 25 July 2008 || Time: 12:18 am
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some part of me have to die
dig deeper and crawl to find another pieces another hangover night where i lie here helplessly i won't kiss you but i need you so bad i want to be buried in my favorite colors i have to know i can see your smile each morning look into your eyes each night some part of me have to wake up sip a bitter coffee and run for a life they need to feel alive and i don't even know why i write these. Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: Tuesday, 22 July 2008 || Time: 10:54 am
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I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say I noticed your eyes are always glued to me Keeping them here And it makes no sense at all (Paramore - CrushCrushCrush)
  our seats were supposed to be in C, but he suddenly sat on B. he told me that he did it all the time with his friends. i told him somebody would take these seats, claiming those belong to them, but he told me not to take care about it as he laughed. "see.. i'm right! i bet they will claim these seats as theirs." i said when a couple came towards us, finding us sat on their chairs. he just laughed and grabbed my hand while we walked to our actual seats. my heart started beating hard. it was the second time he grabbed my hand. the first time was when i told him that i always felt scared to cross a highway. i remembered he asked me if i was serious, and i shouted that i'm freakin' serious! he didn't say anything, but he hold my hand tight and walked me through the highway safely. i remembered, that day, i questioned myself whether he felt the same way that i did. i got his name. i got his number, and now i wonder... yeah, i knew this sounded more than just lame. it sounded like a sweet-innocent question from a high-school girl, but i couldn't help myself. the movie finished, and he drove me home. took another cigarette while driving, and i started feeling worry because he has already smoked a lot this evening. his eyes were glued to me, but they were totally blur. he didn't even walk me home. then i called him. were on the phone for almost 2 hours. that was the second time we bumped into a serious conversation. he told me that i was the closest person for him. i told him that i've a lot of guy friends, but this time, he was the closest one. then he told me how he felt about me. how things about me have been bothering him since i flew back to malaysia last april. worrying that as neighbor, things would not be as simple as what another couple experience. i talked about what i felt about him. about the same worries that i felt. it was almost midnight. and how things would be different for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. because now there was no 'you and i'. you're my part-time lover, and my full-time neighbor. hei, kamu tahu gak? kamu juga, adalah tetangga yang paling spesial! :) perjalanan panjang yang sedikit aneh, sih. berawal dari ketemu di basement parkir. saat ada orang lain bareng sama kamu. ketemuan ga sengaja diluar EC Store. ceritanya panjang banget sampai first date kita. aneh, ya? terasa jauh, tapi sebetulnya dekat. terasa dekat, walau sebetulnya terpisah ribuan kilometer... pernah ngebayangin gak, bisa foto bareng kayak gini? bukan foto bodoh yang lagi makan donat dengan mulut belepotan lagi, kan? ahahhaa... well we sure are cute for 2 ugly people, aren't we?  Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: || Time: 10:40 am
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home.
24th june 2008, after midnight. i was rushing to be able to see him, but there was nothing that i could hear from him. i couldn't even reach his cell phone. i thought, maybe that was it. nothing more, nothing less. i should have moved on now. few friends said 'happy birthday', but still i could not move my thoughts from him. where was he? what was he doing? why didn't he reply my message? i knew he must have read my message. morning passed by. it was such a windy morning, and i really didn't want to do anything. i just wanted to lock myself up and hide, but then someone knocked on the kitchen's door. my mum asked me to open it, but i refused. "come on open it. maybe it was the postman, sending letter from your college..." she said. "surprise!!!!" all my little neighbor stood there behind the door, carrying flowers, a birthday cake, and presents. well yes i knew i should be grateful because those kids have prepared such a sweet surprise for me, but... i felt empty because i didn't see him standing there with others. i didn't care about birthday cake or flowers. my friends sent me birthday wishes... and i still waited for you to send me one. my mum told me to blow my 20 candles and sent my wishes. well i only had one wish, though. so i took a deep breath and set my wish free. i counted to 10 before i opened my eyes, but on 5th, my mum closed my eyes with a scarf. "now, count to 3... and guess, who was here??" and there he was. standing in front of me, smiling, with my cute bunny on his hand, and said one word : "surprise..." geez... was it me dreaming of his presence or did he really stand in front of me? Labels: my own fairy tale |
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