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.a stolen story about suspicion, betrayal, desire, and redemption.
"there's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these.." - jason mraz |
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hear me out .
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Deszya, VIC, Melbourne
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Date: Tuesday, 24 February 2009 || Time: 10:58 am
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everything about Melbourne on my head glows with many emotions. ecstatic, rebel, fun, lonesome, ethereal, and sometimes... totally unfriendly as well. talking about the latest words mentioned, someone has been bitching around about 'how to value a friendship' like, everywhere. pardon my words, but it sounded childish and girl-alike even for a girl like me. only a teenage girl in her early teen ages would blabs around when she feels like her friends have stabbed her at the back and left her all alone on a sunny sunday by choosing to hang out with their new shiny friends. don't tell me that you also crawled to bed and cried the whole night on your pillow? and the next day you choose to hide behind some girl's skirt rather than trying to explain what exactly you felt towards us. okay don't bother, you've blown the chances. admit it, you nuisance... it has never been concluded that things between us can be counted as friendship. oh no, you must been joking! friendship is a single soul dwelling in many bodies. reluctantly, you never contributed any emotional supports to those bodies around you. instead, you blamed the environment for being unacceptably wild and the only thing you could do was locked yourself in trepidation. tell me that i will never know what i have until i lose it. tell me right in front of my face, snap it as hard as you can, Pal! i'll assure you, and i plead you that all you'd got from me is nothing more than a cold gaze. and seriously, as i walk away, i'll shout that sentence to you, and you better take a mental note. i'm not someone who hide behind your blanket, waiting for the right time to attack you. i don't hide any grudge towards you. these are caused by you, yourself. okay enough about it already. truth've been told, i actually miss you. truth've been told, i lie. i never have, and never will. i wonder how bad your day is, have nothing to do and just stuck with your online partner. ciao, fratello! Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: Monday, 16 February 2009 || Time: 7:25 pm
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Deszya |
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Date: || Time: 6:39 pm
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i feel a lil' better than i did before, seriously. i have to admit that lately i haven't moved so well so i understood that people found it hard to blend with me. i have been connected and disconnected from the environment around me like a static radio, i have lost track for a while but now i guess i am finally back. glad to have some time off from reality. i've been into the worst battle with someone that i care so much, we struggled, and we successfully made our great escape. i could say that it was so much better that i couldn't stop trying to believe that it was so true. he told me to keep my eyes on him, because he said that i have a pair of great observing eyes and i am the only person who has nerve and guts to keep him moving forward. i could say that noone has ever said something that deep to me, and i am more than happy when he said that he will wait for me cause that's the only thing he knows that will keep our heart together :) on our last night, we sat together side by side in his car and watched as the rain dropped smoothly. he tried to cheer me up when i was on a total bad mood after stumbled on my suitcases for the whole day and kept on saying good bye to everyone i knew, and everything was forgotten. nothing was really exciting if you saw us that night, but it was only him & me through the night, talked about us from heart to heart like an old friend, and that was more than enough. like we were forever... so, valentine was on the air recently. i arrived at Melbourne just one day before the so-called-lover's-day. no flower, no chocolate, and of course he was not there to pick me up with his warm hug. we did not plan to celebrate it earlier either. it was such a cold and windy night, but i didn't know why i didn't feel sad anymore. i just felt.. relieved. i still missed you, of course. it seemed like having no air when i didn't having you near by my side. when i was about to go to bed, he texted me. it was short, as usual. i smiled. i realized, no matter how short his words were, he always left enough space for me so that i knew i would always be safe by his side. we don't need to be side by side literally. we just need to trust our intuition. to set each other free, and let them fly naturally. after all, everything will be back the way it has to be. i love us. and i promise, no matter how far we are, i always be one step behind you. Labels: Almost Honest |
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