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.a stolen story about suspicion, betrayal, desire, and redemption.
"there's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these.." - jason mraz |
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hear me out .
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Deszya, VIC, Melbourne
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"when i stand, i know i'll never be down again" - shiina ringo
I capture myself as a portrait of an extremely random person and i am proud of it. I had never been an easy person to hang out with, can be all over you one day but then hardly seem to know you exist..
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Date: Thursday, 30 April 2009 || Time: 5:12 pm
3 Comments:
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Labels: my own fairy tale |
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Date: Tuesday, 28 April 2009 || Time: 5:59 pm
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If it's a broken part, replace it But, if it's a broken arm then brace it If it's a broken heart then face it Labels: it happens everyday |
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Date: Saturday, 25 April 2009 || Time: 7:44 pm
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i don't know how about you, but for me, i take silence as sarcasm. maybe because i am such a chatty person. or maybe because i am those people who express my mind through words, through a long conversation. i take a long pause at MSN as a sarcasm, or an early sign of boredom. i take a short text sent to me as a sign that you are not interested and that i should really bail away from you. i am those type of impatient person. i am impatient whenever i feel sad and lonely. i cannot wait to get up and feel good about life again, without thinking how to fix my current situation. without trying to find out how to drag myself out from those sorrow. in other words, i am expecting for a miracle! M I R A C L E i am ordinary, just like others. no matter how hard i try to be extra ordinary, i still have to deal with these impatient myself and i have to admit that sometimes silence is better than spilling everything out. what if they spill something that hurts me? it'll be much safer for me to admit their silence the way it is rather than stumble down with a broken feeling, right? i am currently trying to deal with silence. again. another mute and confusing situation. a very same situation like what i've experienced 2 years back. i still remembered every minute of those moment. a situation whereby my mind kept playing mean tricks on me. one minute it kept whispering on how useless myself was. another minute it could drawn me on a hazardous thought about how worthlessly i was, undeserving creature ,forgotten, and been thrown completely out of love for good. sometimes, when i woke up, it greeted me with a reminder of how no good and how tired i was with these high strung. when i was on the train to the city, i asked myself (and God, i think) : why i should stuck in this situation for the second time? i mean, i've tried damn hard to avoid that situation. God knows how i loathe them through every holes in my veins. did i not pray hard enough? and that is why God put me back in this situation again? *sight then again, another thought hit me. i guess, it must've be an angel. seriously, i mean it! it brighten my day *a bit, really just a bit*. maybe... just maybe... i am being sent back to the very same situation to learn how to fix it. you know, just like what you've seen in those movies that involve time-travelling. besides, i am nobody. i cannot beg the universe to go follow me. i practically bail-out 2 years ago, refused to endure every pain and pretended they never existed. now i know that i cannot run forever. i should embrace my own history, and never keep the pain it brought along. it's the only guide that will help me to organize reality. as a mirror, a shadow, one reminder to keep me solid on the ground. it's ONLY a story. it is mute, it is powerless, it is up to us to change the path. so i go check my mirror and straightaway tell myself: "Feel free to change your story, anytime! History is not meant to repeat its course!" cheer up! :) Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: Friday, 24 April 2009 || Time: 5:07 pm
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Spaghetty Bahan: 200 gram spaghetty 200 gram daging sapi cincang 1 buah bawang bombay, dirajang halus 2 siung bawang putih 4 buah tomat, Rebus, buang kulitnya, rajang halus. 4 sdm saos tomat 1 sdt garam 1/2 sdt merica 1 sdm gula Cara membuat: 1. Rebus spaghetty dalam air mendidih (10-15 menit), tambahkan sedikit minyak goreng. Setelah mendidih, tiriskan, siram dengan air dingin. 2. Tumis bawang putih dan bawang bombay sampai layu, Masukan daging cincang, masak sampai daging berubah warna, masukan tomat, saos tomat, gula, garam, merica, masak sampai saos meletup-letup.Matikan api. 3. siapkan piring, taruh spaghetty diatasnya, siram dengan saosnya, Tambahkan keju parut, sajikan. Meatball cornet Bahan 1 kaleng cornet Telur Garam ½ sdt Merica ½ sdt Tepung Roti 1 ½ sdm Campur semua bahan jadi satu, bulatkan, goreng dengan mentega sebentar, saat dipakai tiriskan, jangan sampai ada mentega yang terbawa. nb: ada saksi hidup kok yang bisa membuktikan resep saya ini aman :) Labels: hell's kitchen |
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Date: || Time: 4:20 pm
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 Labels: my own fairy tale |
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Date: Wednesday, 22 April 2009 || Time: 4:19 pm
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        Hey Mr. Curiosity Is it true what they've been saying about you Well are you killing me You took care of the cat already And for those who think it's heavy Is it the truth Or is it only gossip Call it mystery or anything Oh just as long as you call me I sent the message on did you get it when I left it Said well this catastrophic event It wasn't meant to mean no harm But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem, oh ".. I'm looking for love this time Come back to me I'm a mr. waiting on and never patient can't you see That I'm the same the way you left me, left me In a hurry to spell check me And I'm underlined already in envy green And pencil red And I've forgotten what you've said Will you stop working for the dead and return A mr. curious well I need some inspiration It's my birthday and I cannot find no cause for celebration The scenario is grave but I'll be braver when you save me From this situation laden with hearsay, oh I'm looking for love this time Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry (Trying not to ask why) This love is a mystery Mr. Curiosity Hey mr. please Do come and find me, oh Oh, come on oh, yea yea
"The time you enjoy Labels: my own fairy tale |
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Date: Monday, 20 April 2009 || Time: 4:42 pm
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Hey You! Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened I'm learning to be happy even if I'm alone.. :) Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: || Time: 3:09 pm
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   For 27 years I've been trying to believe and confide in Different people I've found. Some of them got closer then others Some wouldn't even bother and then you came around I didn't really know what to call you, you didn't know me at all But I was happy to explain. I never really knew how to move you So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins And I saw you But that's not an invitation That's all I get If this is communication I disconnect I've seen you, I know you But I don't know How to connect, so I disconnect You always seem to know where to find me and I'm still here behind you In the corner of your eye. I'll never really learn how the love you But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky. Where I see you And that's not an invitation That's all I get If this is communication I disconnect I've seen you, I know you But I don't know How to connect, so I disconnect Well this is an invitation It's not a thread If you want communication That's what you get I'm talking and talking But I don't know How to connect And I hold a record for being patient With your kind of hesitation Communication - The Cardigans Labels: Almost Honest |
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Date: || Time: 2:40 pm
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    I am gone Everybody's raging And these fruits They still taste of poison I won't be around When you really need me I can't sleep Why can't someone hold me I need warmth A restless body cracks some more I won't have the strength When you really need me Labels: in my darkest hour |
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Date: || Time: 2:34 pm
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 sometimes we have to fall apart to let the good things arise. sometimes we need to taste the lies, betrayals, in the search of redemption. i need to fall and get hurt to testify my ability of resilience. i am now, here. i need to lie here alone, doing nothing, to make peace with my bleeding heart. God help me, I have to find my way to stand tall again. flame to dust, lover to friend, why do all good thing comes to an end ? Labels: in my darkest hour |
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